I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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