I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
