I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
