what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
