The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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