Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
