I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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