Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
