wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
