I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
