I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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