im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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