That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize