Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
