Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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