New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
