I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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