What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
