I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
