When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
