awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
do herpes really smell.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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