I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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