we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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