just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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