i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
