As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
