This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
