guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
