Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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