I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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