My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
