Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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