Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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