Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
pray to the hookup gods
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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