if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i was born a porn star she said
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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