Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
