i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
