doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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