I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
