32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
