some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
