I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize