I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
