you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
