Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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