end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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