I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
