your parents love me but you hate me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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