How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
