So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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