so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
