he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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