While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
