Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
