his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
