what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize