he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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