She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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