then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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