I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
