Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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