her vagina looked like bernie madoff
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
