i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
