so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize