Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Girls should come with a carfax report
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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