if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
