ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
