I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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