I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
