i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
