my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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