You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
