Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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