I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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