sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
