I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
