tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
