As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
