Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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