Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
