then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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