just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
