I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
