I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
