when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
