well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
