I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
