I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
3pm strippers are depressing
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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