My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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