well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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