I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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