I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
