Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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