I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
