alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
accomplished twins. life is a go
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
