He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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