When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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