just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
