I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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