wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
