i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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