Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
